I Was Judged Today
On Sunday night I was catching up on a few blogs that I hadn’t read in a while. On a blog that I occasionally read, there was a request for personal “unnecessary” c-sections experiences. The author intends to have guest bloggers who can tell their stories and hopefully help other women know that they aren’t alone in their experiences and help educate on how to prepare for VBACs.
I sent the blogger an email explaining that I did not have an “unnecessary” c-section with either of my boys, but if she was interested I would be glad to tell my story of two very good c-section experiences and being induced for my VBAC attempt. (For those that don’t know, the number of doctors who will take on a VBAC patient are getting smaller and the number of doctors who will induce a VBAC patient are even smaller. There are risks to an induction, but there are methods that are less risky and my doctor agreed to induce me at my request). I explained that “My doctors did everything that they could to get me to deliver vaginally including inducing me with a foley cath, using pitocin, performing an amnio-infusion and letting me stay at 7cm for 8+ hours.”
I received a response from the blogger today declining my offer to participate in her series. I fully respect that decision. My story is not what she wants to highlight. I have absolutely no problem with that. What I DO have a problem with is this part of her response “The problem is that you believe your doctors did everything they can when really they should have let you labor freely without intervention.” And then this “I’m not trying to belittle your story at all”.
First things first, if you have to tell someone that you are not belittling them, that is exactly what you have just done. Second, I literally wrote 4 sentences that summarized my experience when I had Xander. I did not go into a whole lot of detail as I didn’t want to waste my time or the bloggers time since my story wasn’t exactly what she was looking for. And in three short sentences, she determined that I had made a mistake in trusting MY doctors. The doctors that supported me through 1 miscarriage, 2 rough 1st trimesters, breech babies, and most importantly the doctor who sat on my bedside and held my hand as she told me that I would need another c-section, the doctor who left the office and the patients he was seeing to try and scrub in on my c-section.
Sure I didn’t volunteer the information, but she has no idea that my pregnancy had reached a point where neither my husband, myself or my doctor were comfortable with me remaining pregnant. She has no idea that every intervention (except the amnio-infusion) was at my request. I asked to be induced. I asked to have a foley cath used. I asked for moderate doses of pitocin. She has no idea that before I was even pregnant with Xander, I discussed the risks of all of these “interventions” and that I am the one who brought up these topics. I was never once pressured into a single thing.
So why did this enrage me so much? Well, we all know that I’m still a little sensitive about my experience when Xander was born. But more important, NO woman should ever be judged on the decisions she makes regarding how she gives birth to her children. This blogger is currently training to be a doula. She is training to support women and advocate for them during labor and delivery. What this woman said to me today is the exact opposite of supporting and advocating for women. It makes me exceptionally sad.
And now I’m left with writing a response to this person. I have about 8 different drafts in my head but none of them are quite right. So tell me, if someone made this comment to you, how would you respond?
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